Rounding Up

Women lie about their age every day and I am no exception.  I do it all the time and I am completely unashamed. Yep. I brazenly and regularly lie about my age. But, flying in the face of conventional lying-about-your-age wisdom, I always “round up.”

I cannot imagine claiming to be younger than I really am. As much fun as my 20s were (and they were really fun), I was happy to turn 30. Ditto 35 and 40. And I love being 47. I’m better than I was in my 20s or 30s. Not better looking, fitter, or (sadly) any wealthier, but smarter, kinder, more compassionate. Just better.

Right about now you might be thinking this piece is all about patting myself on the back for my impressive personal growth over the years. You may even be rolling your eyes and saying to yourself, “Proud of yourself, much, Lori?” And who would blame you? But fear not. While I am fairly proud of the person I've become, that’s not why I lie about my age. Not even close.

I’m 47 years old. I’m fit and attractive and I usually manage to dress pretty cute…for a 47-year-old. But, let’s be honest, it would take some serious chutzpah to try to pass myself off as 38. Chutzpah I just don’t have. Frankly I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to matters of my ego. What if I told you I was 38 years old and you looked surprised, in that horrified, “Whoa! You've obviously lived hard,” kind of way? What if you even snickered? Or muttered, "Seriously?" under your breath? You’d probably crush me and my wussy ego like a bug under your heel.

On the other hand, if I round up and tell you I’m 50, you may still be surprised, but probably in a “WOW! You look great!” kind of way. Then I could demur and say through lowered lashes, “Oh, go on.” (No, really. Go on.) It doesn't take a genius to see that this would be so much better than slinking away humiliated. Seriously. Rounding up is like medicine for your ego. You should try it.

In three years I may have some explaining to do at my 50th birthday bash, but for now I'm sticking with my story. At 47 years old, I am many things, a wuss and a blatant liar among them. One thing I am not, however, is a dumbass. Rounding up may be my smartest idea ever. (And I've had some really smart ideas.) What? I have!