The Great Panty Conspiracy of 2011

As odd as this may sound, I’ve begun receiving panties anonymously in the mail and on my doorstep. Sexy, flirty, lacy, adorable panties. By the armload.

It seems my dear friends have organized to carry out a conspiracy in honor of my upcoming birthday. I can’t be sure, but I think this feat may have been accomplished using a Facebook Group with a name like “You Want Panties? We’ll Give You Panties,” or some such. No matter how it was accomplished, this is clearly a conspiracy of epic proportions perpetrated by my incredibly sweet (and let’s face it - hilarious) friends.

Several weeks ago I wrote about a thwarted attempt to buy sexy underwear in a post entitled “Law of Attraction…?” I was having an, “I am woman, hear me roar,” moment and had stormed off to buy myself some pretty underwear despite the fact that I practically never have any prospect of a man appreciating the sight of me in said underwear. Of course, my life being the comedy of errors that it is, I immediately ran into a male friend, felt like an idiot and left without the underwear I was so determined to buy. On that blog post a dear friend commented, “I have a feeling your mailbox is going to be inundated with pairs of sexy panties from your facebook/blog posse....” Perhaps she's the organizer of this conspiracy, or perhaps she simply inspired it, but that is exactly what’s happened.

Panties in my mailbox. And on my doorstep. Stuffed unceremoniously into envelopes, beautifully boxed with tissue, formed into bikini bouquets, with cards and without. You name it. Seventeen pairs to date and my birthday is still a few days away.

If the next person I date is a, “butt-man” (so to speak), it will be his lucky day. Because not only do I just so happen to have a not-half-bad derrière for a nearly-44-year-old woman, but also I now have a vast and sexy wardrobe for said (not-half-bad) derrière.

But even if no man ever sees these adorable panties, this incredibly sweet gesture will certainly not have been wasted. Because even if no man ever sees me in the panties, just by wearing them I already feel sexier, prettier, sassier, more confident…and far more importantly… loved (which I’m certain was precisely the point).

I have the most amazing friends. And I am grateful beyond measure every single day – not necessarily for the panties (although I am grateful for those) – but for incredible gift of your friendship.