Every House Should Have an Extra Mom

I’ve been single for six years. For six years I’ve raised kids in a house where I’m the only adult. If I need to get a kid to gymnastics and the other one really doesn’t want to go along, there’s no option to leave that one at home. If I’m in the middle of cooking dinner and realize I’m missing an ingredient, I can’t run out for it without getting coats and shoes on two kids and loading them in the car (usually against their will). Or even worse, if a kid is puking his guts out with a raging fever, they must be dragged to the store when I run out of Tylenol. And if Ben is having a hard time, Lucy has nowhere to go to avoid it. And if I’m helping Ben, there’s no one else for her to talk to or play with.

This has been our reality for so long I had honestly forgotten there was another way. I’d say that it’s starting to come back to me, but truth be told, living in a house with another mom is a kind of support I’ve never known before.

The morning after we moved into our new house with our new roommates, we really needed to take the kids out to breakfast. Everyone needed a good meal and the kitchen was virtually inaccessible. Denny’s was most definitely in order. But Ben, already stressed by the chaos of the move, was not on board with our plan. It was Sunday and on Sundays we get donuts. I tried for just a few minutes to reason with him, but quickly realized it was a losing battle. My compromise was to take Ben for a donut and then meet the rest of the group at Denny’s. But my compromise fell on deaf ears because Ben was already past the point of no return. Feeling strongly that I needed to power through, I began to get him ready so that we could get his donut and then get some actual nutrition into his stressed little body. While I was struggling to put his shoes and coat on, I barked at Lucy to get herself ready so that she could come with us. Lucy was rushing about trying to help me when Maggie put a hand on my arm and said very calmly (but loudly enough to be heard over the screaming), “We’ll take Lucy with us.” It hadn’t even occurred to me that was an option.

So Ben and I drove to Krispy Kreme by ourselves, purchased a donut at the drive-through and drove back to the restaurant to meet the rest of the group. Ben screamed almost the entire time – close to 30 minutes in the car by time we accomplished our mission and made it back to Denny’s. He pulled it together enough to sit with the group and have some breakfast, but he was definitely on edge, telling us repeatedly to stop talking (something very difficult for Lucy, in particular, to do).

When we finished eating, Maggie and I both had errands to run before returning to the house but Ben looked at me and said, “Mom, I need to go home right now,” and I knew he meant business. I sighed, took a moment to resolve myself to not accomplishing what needed to be done and turned towards my car. Maggie stopped me and said, “I’m going to the grocery – give me your list.” I handed it to her gratefully and started to walk away with both Ben and Lucy in tow, Lucy’s face clearly registering just how difficult it would be for her to sit in the car in complete silence in order to keep Ben calm, and how sad it would be for her to get home and be ignored by her only sibling. But Maggie, seeing her face, stopped Lucy with an arm around her shoulder and said, “Why don’t you come with us, honey?”  Lucy's face brightened instantly and she trotted off happily with Maggie and the other kids.

Living in a house with another adult has opened up a whole new world for us and I believe that everyone in this house benefits. But perhaps no one benefits more than Lucy. And maybe that’s just as it should be. Maybe it’s about time that sweet child got a break from being a big girl all the time – a break from being responsible and helpful and always worrying about Ben... and me. Maybe it’s about time Lucy was able to just be a kid.

One might think that having an extra mom around would make the household stricter, but I think it’s quite the opposite. Having an extra mom around allows us the grace to be less strict, have more fun, be more present. And to take care of who needs caring for without feeling like we’re slighting someone else.

Maybe every household should have an extra mom. I’m certainly glad mine does.