The Boozy Mommies

I’d like to say it started as a true playgroup. Clapping our hands along with our kids to a Baby Einstein CD, planning age-appropriate crafts and games, serving snacks made of cottage cheese, carrots, pretzel sticks and raisins made to look like silly snowmen and guaranteed to make kids smile and gobble them up. But that’s not how it started. Appropriately enough, it started with a glass of wine.

Gretchen and I met at a party when The Bens were two and five-weeks old respectively. We quickly discovered we lived within walking distance from each other and arranged a time to get together for lunch at my house. I made a salad that Gretchen hated (but didn’t tell me until years later), my dog snatched off the counter and consumed an entire wheel of Swiss cheese I planned to serve, The Bens lay on their backs on a blanket on the floor squirming around side by side while we pretty much ignored them unless they cried and Gretchen and I had lunch. And we drank our first glass of wine together. Who could have known that we would share a glass of wine (or two) nearly every week for the next eight years or so. (Don’t even bother trying to do the math – it makes my head spin just to think about it.)

A lot of lattes and scones from our neighborhood coffee shop followed while The Bens wiggled away on their backs on the floor. A third member was added (whom we eventually lost somewhere along the way). And we pretty quickly abandoned the morning lattes and scones in favor of late afternoon hors d’oueuvres with a glass of wine. Or two. Suzanne and her family moved in next door to Gretchen when The Bens were about a year old and immediately joined or merry little band with her daughter, just a few months younger than The Bens.

The years passed and one of our original members quit coming. But Suzanne, Gretchen and I grew closer and closer and we all had more babies, adding to our little tribe. And we kept meeting every week for our boozy playgroup. For better or worse, we had become family.

Before Kindergarten, Ben was evaluated by a psychologist we had never met to determine his placement. After meeting with Ben the psychologist came to the lobby to speak with me. She wanted to know if Ben had a rich imaginary play life. I’m sure my face registered surprise because Ben has virtually no imaginary play, which I told her. She then said, “That’s weird, because when I asked him about his family, he rattled off an extensive list of names before he ever mentioned his sister, Lucy. Another Ben, Ruby, Bella, Jonah, Lola, Luca?” I smiled and told her that those were the names of his playgroup friends and that as far as Ben knew, they were family. I had never told him otherwise.

A year and a half ago, a dear friend who nannied for me for years beginning when Ben was six-months old and who has long been an honorary part of the group, had a baby of her own and officially joined The Boozy Mommies. At a recent boozy playgroup, baby Keaton sat at the table with the rest of the kids having dinner – just like one of the big kids. Suzanne nodded her head towards the scene and told Melissa, “Look. You’ve added to the tribe.” And she was right. The tribe numbers nine kids in all now - three of Gretchen’s, two of mine, three of Suzanne’s and now one of Melissa’s.

We don’t manage once a week very often anymore. Two of us have moved from Fremont where it all began, and the kids have become busier as they’ve gotten older. But even so, more weeks than not, there’s a boozy playgroup with at least some of the families. The kids run amok, largely unsupervised, while the grow-ups chat. As much as possible, we insist that the kids help each other. Need some water and can’t reach it? There’s another kid here who can. Can’t tie your shoes yet? There’s a kid who can help you with that too. Kids helping kids is a great way to empower them and encourage teamwork. It’s also a great way to ensure we get our time together to share what’s happened since we saw each other last, our triumphs and failures, joy and heartbreak, and of course, a glass of wine.

Or two.