I Love You All the Time

Every now and then when the kids go to their dad’s house for the weekend, Lucy leaves her favorite stuffies in my bed so I won’t be lonely while she’s gone. Sometimes I take them back to her room, but sometimes I keep them in my bed until she comes home. Spot and Brownie remind me that Lucy loves me all the time. Even when she can’t be with me.


“I love you all the time” is a phrase we started using in the Heagler house when the kids’ father and I separated. In the beginning, saying goodbye was excruciatingly difficult for everyone when the kids went from one house to the other. Ben, Lucy and I began saying it as a way to reassure one another that our love was still there, just as strong, even when we couldn’t see each other. I love you all the time. Even when I can’t see you.

Over the years, we’ve expanded our use of the phrase to reassure one another of our love even when we’re mad. Even when we don’t like what the other is saying, or how the other is behaving. Even when we’re hurt. I love you all the time. Even when I’m mad. Even when my feelings are hurt.

It’s our way of saying the love we feel for each other is unconditional. The words are a huge source of comfort for us and Lucy’s stuffies are a tangible reminder of the sentiment. But neither the words nor their tangible reminder is what’s important. What’s important is the feeling itself – the love. The love that’s there all the time. Even when we can’t be together, even if we’ve hurt each other or made each other mad.

In recent years, I have, on occasion, questioned my capacity for love. My success in the area of romantic love is dubious at best and I have, at times, become bogged down in trying to figure out what’s “wrong with me” that true, lasting, romantic love is seemingly beyond my grasp. But an incredibly wise friend (and I’m blessed to have many) told me once that evidence of my capacity for love is all around me. It’s evidenced by the depths of my friendships and by the love I share with my children.

Of course she’s right – this incredibly wise friend - because “I love you all the time” are not just words I say to make Ben and Lucy feel better. They are words that radiate from my very soul. And, I believe, from their souls as well, because it is my firm belief that children learn what they live.

So, even though my confidence in myself has wavered more times than I’d like to admit, my love for my children, family and friends who are family never has. I love you all the time.