King of the Hill

This morning I nearly burst with pride for Ben and appreciation for a couple of boys at our bus stop while watching a simple game of King of the Hill.

There is not a shoving, tackling “boy game” on the planet that Ben would find appealing on its merits. The games are too unpredictable, there’s too much physical touching, and the feeling of being off-balance that results from being shoved or tackled is positively repellent to him. But what does appeal to Ben is fitting in. So, when other kids are playing games such as these, he often struggles to find a way to be a part of the game without any of the effects he finds undesirable. These attempts at joining the game (without actually playing the game) are frequently awkward and subject to ridicule. But this morning, Ben navigated the situation masterfully, assisted by the grace and acceptance of the other boys playing the game, and it was a thing of beauty.

When Ben approached Kevin and Brandon at the bus stop this morning, the boys were taking turns standing on a round sewer cover while the other tried to knock him off. They shoved with their hands, ran and butted each other with their shoulder and generally did what boys do. Ben was thrilled with their interaction and stood close by watching. He was laughing and enjoying himself. Seeing this, the boys turned their attention to Ben and offered him a turn. As this is the point where things often turn ugly, I thought, “Oh boy, here we go,” and began planning a graceful exit strategy for Ben, but no exit strategy was needed this morning.

Ben positioned himself on the sewer cover. Brandon backed up and made a run for him – charging full speed with his shoulder down. If I were a religious person, I would have been praying, but as Brandon got to Ben, he held up and hit Ben with roughly half the power he had been hitting Kevin. Ben stumbled a bit, but didn’t fall off the cover. Then it was Kevin’s turn. Kevin started towards Ben with the idea of shoving him sideways using both hands on one of Ben’s shoulders. Again, I crossed my fingers and bit my lip, but Kevin followed Brandon’s lead and shoved Ben with less than half the effort he had been exerting on Brandon. Still, Ben stumbled sideways and stepped off the sewer cover, smiling and laughing and genuinely enjoying being part of the game. I’m fairly certain he stepped off on purpose to avoid enduring another attempt to push him off.

Ben took up his original position, close by, but safely away from flailing bodies falling off the sewer cover and began to keep score for the other boys. Brandon and Kevin, thrilled to have a statistician, laughed and clapped and occasionally high-fived Ben while they continued their game. I was impressed with Ben’s ingenuity and quick thinking at coming up with a strategy that allowed him to remain part of the game. When the bus arrived, all three boys got in line together, laughing and talking about their game. Ben looked completely natural walking along with those boys – relaxed, happy, just one of the gang.

I spend a lot of time thinking about acceptance, tolerance and accommodation. I spend hours on programs that help kids with differences be better equipped to achieve these things and help typical kids be better equipped to provide these things. But maybe all it really takes is a good game of King of the Hill, a little ingenuity and some simple kindness.